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Post by shallowboy on Nov 29, 2005 13:33:37 GMT 10
Hi pals, this is my first ever attempt at poetry....its kinda depressing and sad, but just reflected my mood at the time I wrote it.
Please be honest in your comments and opinions, tell me if its good/bad, corny/cheesy. *Gulp* Here it is.....
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The Me inside
Beneath my shields Of optimism and ignorance Deep within my subconscious Lies the me you don’t see
The burdens you impose The expectations you command Fuels my craving To remove this disguise
The empty facades we proudly display Make us unrecognizable Like strangers among us Beneath our shadows of fear
No more afraid to be stripped I lie exposed to the world Take me for who I am Accept me for me
Liberate me from these chains No more afraid to be me Unbound from my facades I am finally free……..
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I hope you guys like it. This was the first of many poems Ive tried to write, but I feel that this was the best of them...it really exposes my emotions, so its kinda strange having it out there in the open. But, I trust you guys to give me some cool feedback.
Thanks friends
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Post by nightflyer on Nov 29, 2005 21:41:53 GMT 10
Impressive; the peom flowed quiet nicely and I felt it was really depressing at all. Just a reflection of what we all do in our lives. Put up a sheild to our true self.
If this is your first you will really put out some great work, for as you know; we only get better the more we write.
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Post by shallowboy on Nov 29, 2005 23:42:58 GMT 10
Thanks for the vote of confidence nightflyer, i really appreciate it. It means a lot to me that you time to read it and think about it.
I havent written poetry in over a year and a half i think. Its like i need to be in a very emotional state to write...like i need something to kick start my muse. It was just a really down time for me when i wrote that poem.
I sorta call it my collection of Suicide Notes, not that i intended to use them, its just that my thoughts were that down and I was feeling really low.
I have a couple more id like to share, and I hope to post em up here soon, but theyre nowhere near as meaningful or as good (in my humble opinion) as the first one i wrote.
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Post by unknownartist09 on Nov 30, 2005 5:51:58 GMT 10
yeah that was good. dont worry mine are all depressing ya no the whole killing me and cutting and then.......the other thing....
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Post by shallowboy on Nov 30, 2005 8:53:38 GMT 10
thanks unknown. Wow, there sure r a lot of budding poets in here
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Post by unknownartist09 on Dec 2, 2005 5:48:13 GMT 10
yeah and I kinda started it lol that was concedded in a way and yes i miss spelt so come on and get me leigh the nazi spelling police!!!!!! yeah I have ALOT going on im my life and I just want to pick up a gun and kill myself for alot of reason but im not gonna post it for EVERYONE to see so u'd have to e-mail me to know whch yes shalloboy i'd tell you and leigh mabe artie if we get to kow each other better{he's been e-mail me} I just didn't say n- thiing before because....this is gonna sound stupid..... I didn't know if rocky would be like.... she's messed up only freaks cut themselves, or something like that and I know rocky's NOT like that but still....If I tryed to confide in him I wouldn't want him to think im just trying to get close to him bc he's an actor... God im messed up!
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